Journey Through Words
At least I’m alive
Boom boom boom goes the blood through my veins
Tick tick tick goes the clock driving me insane
Heave heave heave go my lungs, each breath a struggle
Chug chug chug they chant as I try to swallow
My neurons freak out
They throw a party of which I had no knowledge
I have to wait for them to calm down
I have no power, no control
I could run farther than my legs could carry me
I could scream louder than my voice would allow
I could breathe faster than my lungs would permit
I could think faster than a racecar on the track
My hands grip my chest, sweating deeply
All the sounds collide into nothingness
All sensation obliterated by a rush of adrenaline
My feelings are conflicting
I feel weak and powerless
Yet jittery, so tense
Watching myself fall off this pebble of a mountain
It’s agonizing and I can’t bear the shame
I’ve gotten tools to help my self in these 5550 days
Shouldn't I know better?
I feel so unintelligent
That I can’t put them into practice
But the hormone surges faster than my thoughts
Everything is a blur
The faces, the sounds,
Everything that is found around
I am told to “just relax”
But who can do that on command?
I’ll do the box breathing
And hope the torment will end
Farewell my friend
I’ll count down from 5
See you next time
While I wait to be able to survive
(I see five students running down the hall
I can touch four fabrics that clothe me
I hear three teachers gossipping in a class
I smell two perfumes mixed badly and avoid the urge to barf
I can taste the bitter gum I’ve been chewing all morning)
Written by: A.C.
This Time Last Year
This time last year, I had just started therapy
This time last year I was riding horses
This time last year I did not have good friends
This time last year I was struggling and not happy…
This year, I have a big group of friends
This year I play football and I love it
This year I’m happier
This year I am still in therapy
This year will be different…
Written by: Sam